DON'T DO THIS

If you feel a little sad around the holidays - that is normal.  Lots of people feel sad around the holidays so they just drink alot forgetting that alcohol is a depressant so they feel worse so they drink more because of the "hair of the dog" trick (which really works - I found that out one Mother's day when I was under the impression that Mother's day meant get drunker than a MOTHER the night before the Sunday brunch and then try to not throw up at the country club.  Anyway - 3 Bloody Mary's later and this MOTHER felt GREAT again) 

I digress - back to feeling sad in the holidays... many of us have lost loved ones and the memories of these people crop up and we miss them more during the holidays.

So, if you are feeling a little sad DON'T take a bottle of red wine down to your basement and start going through old boxes of pictures and photo albumns because all you will do is spend the DAY down there crying like a baby and get even more behind on all the things you have to do.

2 BEST BUDS:

(My Dad -grandpa Nick- and my son Gray at age 2 - he's 16 now). Miss you Dad.

PARTY WHORES

These are the people who spend their holidays bouncing from party to party.  It is exhausting to be so popular.  If they get invited to 8 parties in one night - by god they will get to all 8.  I have determined that these people are so insecure that they can't possibly miss one.  Maybe they think that people will be talking behind their backs, maybe they want to feel "popular", or maybe they just don't have the social graces to accept one invite and decline the other ones because they already have plans.  But thats a big risk because what if the other parties were more fun????

If you are the first party, the PW's (party whores) will show up right on time (or annoyingly early) and remind you immediately thay can only stay a short time because they have to scoot off to another party because "its my husband's sister's neice's cousin and we really feel like we should be there - so sorry..."  They nervously jump around the party trying to get a word into every guest and letting them know their plight (a few other parties to hit).

If you are the last party, the PW's show up, you are bombed and they are a huge buzz kill. "sorry we're late... where should we put our coat... do you have any water... we brought you a little gift"  Listen assholes I don't know who you are right now - I forgot that you were even coming. SOOOO lets catch up over a coffee so that I can remember the interesting conversation about the other parties that you were at, what they had to eat, who all was there and what they wore but NOT NOW, and I was lip syncing to "don't stop believin'" so join on in and shut the fuck up.

Guess what...I'm tallking behind your back and so is every host of the 8 parties that you attended.  But hey, you are popular so... enjoy that and post a bunch of party pics on your facebook. 

Coming soon to Laura Says...
People who don't RSVP because they are just "not good" at that.  These are the same people who "don't do" thank you notes.  Ironically all of these people grew up in a trailer park.  Coincidence?

Its the THOUGHT that counts

Nothing is worse than getting a crappy gift.  Last year, my Mom gave my daughter a plastic cutting board shaped like a baby bird (check out line at TARGET)  she's 13 what would she use this for when she's making dinner for the family - HA!  No, my Mom is not senile she was just being lazy. 

I got a silver necklace from some unnamed person.  ANYONE who remotely knows me, knows I don't wear silver ever - its a thing for me.   So, on the Thank You note I wrote "thanks for the silver necklace.  As you know I don't wear silver so I returned it."  I also wanted to add "and Thanks for making me take time out of my busy day to go to the store to return the gift that you bought me knowing that I wouldn't like it" 

Here are some of my favorite gifts -I think that you can't really go wrong here:

Cosmetic Bags - you can't have enough and they do get old and yucky

Candles - Voluspa Maison Rouge - Golden Cypress - I have it going in my kitchen everyday

Make up - a pretty lip gloss (Dior has some great neutrals) or Armani black mascara (its amazing)\
Clutch - a neutral clutch is always useful
Wrap or Scarf - pick an interesting color to add to their collection
Coffee Table Book - the story of Gucci or Kelly Wearstler's  HUE is amazing

"Its that THOUGHT that counts" right?  So please do  GIVE IT SOME THOUGHT.

BLACK FRIDAY

If I ever get so (I don't know what word describes this) but if I ever get to the point where I set my alarm to wake up at 1 am to go stand in line outside of some Target store to be the first one in for BLACK FRIDAY
Someone please shoot me because my life must be pretty damn miserable at that point. - WOW

PS
You can also shoot me if I ever get into a line to go into any store at any time of day.  I don't need anything that badly and neither does anyone else.



 

A LITTLE TASTE AT THANKSGIVING

I grew up in a household where you dress for dinner.  You clean up and your clothes match – a little fresh lipstick.  I like that.  We’ve gotten to be a very casual society. Stand outside any Catholic Church and watch what rolls in on a Sunday morning.  I mean really you didn’t even wash (let alone brush) your hair – God Bless You.

So along comes Thanksgiving and I am always annoyed by what people think is appropriate for Thanksgiving dinner. I’m sure my family (on the in-law side of course) think (know) I am a huge bitch when it comes to this.  I’m pretty sure it’s because I walk up to them and say things like “are you wearing jeans and a black biker tank top to the Thanksgiving dinner that we got a printed invitation for? Well don’t worry, I’m sure the other 20 women in nice dresses didn’t notice J”

Also, I’m not a big believer in letting your kids wear whatever they want to a nice dinner for a number of reasons:

1. Who is the boss?

2. I AM THE BOSS

3. You are 5 and you are not going to stomp your feet and get your way because I AM THE BOSS of this and everything else you do until I am finished paying for things.

4. That short skirt and shredded tights makes your 13 year old like a slut.  Yeah maybe she’s not – good luck with that.  The black eyeliner and pierced nose is cute though.

I get that not every Thanksgiving dinner is a big fancy deal so I am suggesting some of my favorite classy looks for all kinds of Thanksgiving get togethers:

EARLY DINNER at the COTTAGE - A family gathering in the “country”

Leggings/ Boots

Oversized sweater

CASUAL THANKSGIVING AT HOME- with friends and family

Skinny Jeans tucked into boots

Blazer or Jacket with a cute tee underneath – scarf of course

FINE CHINA and FINE WINE – a dressier crowd

A great dress topped with a fur vest – layer some vintage necklaces or load on the pearls

Tall boots

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

FINALLY UGGS that AREN'T UG

I've always thought that UGGS are UGLY.  Sorry but the light pink ones (Mel) super UG.  These however are awesome - my new favorite pair of shoes.  These babies can go out at night and are also great for soccer games (which Thank God we don't have to do anymore since my daughter quit for a mere 

$500 cash from me:)      Go get a pair quickly!!!!

NEIMAN MARCUS CATALOG

I'm going to assume that when Neiman Marcus sends out a catalog that weighs more that I do that the purpose is to sell things from the catalog. Not sure if it is...

Here's how it goes every time for me: I get the catalog, i go through it, i find something i want to buy, i get out my ipad and my credit card (i would think the neiman marcus people would be happy to hear this-its going just as they planned it)

Then it all goes wrong - i am at the point where i am going to purchase..."Oh shit they say, what do we do now? Should these things that we paid millions of dollars to put in these catalogs be available to sell? Crap, we don't even have any of this stuff. Maybe the customers will just dog ear the pages that they like and then remember to keep calling back until we do have it. I mean these women can't really be that busy can they?"

So as usual I go to the website and the things in the catalog aren't on the website (surprise) so I call the number in the catalog and they have no idea what I am talking about. Some aren't even sure what Neiman Marcus is (big surprise) I then call my personal shopper who hasn't seen the catalog ( i guess shes not a good customer like i am) but assures me she will
find the item. 2 months later...


By the way,same thing with Lucky Magazine which is supposed to be a shopping magazine. It's called Lucky because that's what you are if you actually find the item that they are telling you to go buy.